I posted my first blog a month ago about my recent break up and surprisingly I received a lot of responses from encouragements down to a few questions. (If you haven’t read it, here’s the link.) I’d like to thank the people who sent their messages and I apologize for some questions I wasn’t able to address. This post is intended to make it up to you guys to answer some queries to clarify any confusion.

Below is the most asked question:

“Lovely, I know you prayed and fasted before saying yes to him. I’m sure you got a word from God that it’s him. If that is so, then why did your relationship fail?”

This question hit me.

People have this mindset that Pastors should never be wrong in their personal decisions. That before they enter a relationship it should be a series of sleepless nights, prayer and fasting, digging deep in God’s word until God shows His answer in a vision or reveals a perfect Bible verse which says, “Yes, it’s him. Go and say yes.” Some people think that it should take countless of seeking moments on a prayer mountain until God flashes his name on the sky.

Well, that kind is possible to happen, we can’t put God in a box! But for me, it didn’t. I prayed and sought God through the Bible and I magic-eight-ball-ask-again-later-photo-researchers-incdidn’t treat it as a magic eight crystal ball, nor a genie in a bottle, to ask something from Him saying, “Lord, is it him? Yes or no?” Shake it a bit, abra-kadabra and you’ll get the answer, ‘No, try again later.’ Haha! That’s not how I used the Bible to seek God’s will for my life.

Disclaimer: God can talk to us in different ways and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean that if I got my confirmation through dreams, your confirmation should come from the same. God reveals to us in unique ways, some get their confirmation from God through dreams or visions, signs; some get it through a Bible verse, or simply a decision made out of faith to choose a partner. There’s no single pattern or structure. He moves differently in us the same way we’re all unique from each other.

For the record, I’ve been seeking God for a lifetime partner even before my last relationship came. (Not the magic ball type of seeking ha.) I sought God not to reveal to me a man, rather to know if he was the one God wants for me. I wasn’t seeking who it should be – instead I was seeking what, I was seeking why. Is it God’s will for me to get married? If yes, what’s the purpose of my future marriage? What person do I need to become before entering a relationship? Am I really ready to have one?

It is also important to know the reason why you need to get married. Let’s begin to ask the right questions. Why do you need a partner, if you’re happy being single? Why does your heart cry out to see yourself wearing a gown, walking down the aisle, seeing your ideal man waiting for you at the altar? Why are you longing for a lifetime partner? For me, I don’t want to get married just because I’m lonely; or some of my friends are already in a relationship, not because I’m sick and tired of being the great third wheel and most importantly, not because I just want to compensate for something missing inside of me. No!

After years of seeking, God impressed to me that I should get married because I have a purpose and a task to fulfill in life that sooner or later I won’t be able to do it alone because it is a BIG task. I want to raise a godly family. I want to be a loving wife and a good mother. I want to share the gospel to the world with my husband. I want to duplicate the family that my parents have raised. A family that loves God, loves people and makes disciples. He doesn’t need to be a pastor anyway.

God settled those things in my heart. It became my desire to accomplish it. It is implanted in me. I know that is God’s will. It is in His words, it is His commands.

After a year of courtship in my previous relationship, I asked the Lord whether he could be my partner to fulfill His purpose in my life. During that time, I can see that he is a good man, he loves God, he supports and understands my ministry, he loves doing the ministry with me, he loves me and I love him too. I also had a desire to support him in all his endeavors and I can’t see any reason to say no. What’s great about the Lord is He has given us the free will and the wisdom to go through series of major decisions in our lives. He didn’t create us as robots. So, I used my free will or personal will when I made a choice to grant my sweet yes on his 25th birthday.  Again, I made a decision out of a desire to say yes, not because I heard God’s audible voice in a room full of clouds and shining glitters but because I saw that he could be a fulfillment of God’s promise for my life.

Disclaimer: Guys, please stop showing us the world when you only have a city. What do I mean? Avoid putting your best foot forward when you’re in the pursuing stage. Instead, have the faith and the guts to show yourself, to accomplish what you’ve started not just for the woman you’re pursuing, but also to God.

I want to explain further by using the 3 facets of God’s will:

The first thing that I settled for is to know His will through God’s will of desire or moral will. What are His desires or standards and commandments when it comes to purity, waiting, union, love, honoring God or loving one another? What does the Bible say about those things? We must consider the moral will of God in our decision-making because these are the things we ought to be. This is how God wants us to live. I remember what my bible professor has told me: God’s word is God’s will. This should be a non-negotiable matter for us. Sadly, most people can easily disregard this in their life and their favorite is:

The Freewill or Personal Will. Aren’t you glad that God gave us free will to decide? He gave wisdom to discern between what is right and what is wrong. So I used my personal will in choosing my previous relationship. However, I needed to accept the result of all the wrong choices I had. The good thing is, when you made a wrong choice, it is still God who will bring you back to His original plan.

If one day you will fail, please know that your understanding have limitations, we are not perfect. We will fail often and we will have hundreds of wrong decisions but it’s a way for us to learn so we can preach the gospel more effectively. So, enjoy the struggle and go through it. Besides, pain and failure makes life even more colorful, don’t they?

teaser-1At the end of the day, all the things that happened are under God’s Sovereign Will or God’s Decree. He ordained it. All of my actions, all the things that were revealed to me are His will. He orchestrated my life as it is. If one day I will cry tons of tears, if I will experience two heartbreaks in a row, everything became His sovereign will which can’t be thwarted nor manipulated. It’s given and inevitable that I will experience it no matter what. (See Romans 8:18-30)

So, why did it fail even if I prayed for it? Honestly, I don’t know. All I know, it is part of God’s plan for me and it’s part of whatever purpose He has, it’s perfect! He allows it. He gives and takes away. He let me go through it to change something in my heart and in my character. Also to add a little spice on my testimony so He can display His glory all the more.

To end this, maybe you’re wondering, how can you make your future relationship right. The answer is found in the balance between God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility.

Be familiar with God’s sovereign will and be responsible with all your actions. The reason why you need the Word of God is for you to be wise in all your decisions. My favorite life question is: “What does the Lord say about it? What does my spiritual pastors say about it? How about my parents or important friends?” This can help you discern and discover the direction where God is leading you.

Trust God and submit to His will

Know His will through His word. Obey what it says and leave everything to Him. Our job is to trust and submit that He knows what He is doing. You’ll be assured that you’re in good hands. I remember Proverbs 3:5-6, it says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will direct your paths”.

All the things that happened in the past, are happening now and will happen in the future are already part of His sovereign will for His Name to be glorified. So sit back and relax: God knows what He is doing.

I want to end this with this verse, Psalms 37:23 The steps of the righteous person are ordered by God. Good day everyone!

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20 Comments

  1. Jem jacob santiago on October 2, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    You are very admirable lovely. It takes a lot of pain to appreciate and experience God’s loving arms and comfort. Through the different trials we encounter in life, when we look far and move a bit back, we can see His colorful pallette coloring our lives with thw blues, pastels, the reds and even the black and dark hues. Making our lives a perfect masterpiece…His Masterpiece. 😇
    He’s truly making your life more beautiful this time.
    Lovelier the nth time around!
    Isn’t He amazing?😍
    Love you lovely!

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Yes true tita… 🙂 Thank you so much!!! 🙂

  2. Mariel on October 2, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Thank you for sharing your testimony, ate. It is really helpful. I praise God for the courage, strength, and wisdom that He has given you. Continue to touch lives.

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      Aw! Thank you for that encouragement!

  3. Eco on October 4, 2016 at 6:39 am

    Inspiring! Thank you 🙂

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      You’re welcome Eco!

  4. Ikka on October 4, 2016 at 10:21 am

    I love the level of trust and courage you have in the Lord, ate Lovely! 👌🏼

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Thanks Ikka!

  5. dj on October 4, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    I have read your blogs and its amazing stories. And im also in the midst of recovering from heartbreak. I also believe that whats happening to us is God’s will. So why is it that whengood things happen, we should praise God and why is it that when bad things happen, we dont have the right to blame God and we should only blame ourself?

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Hi DJ, first of all thank you for reading my blogs. It inspires me to write more. 🙂 Regarding sa question mo, I think its better to say, In good times and in bad times – we should Praise God! No one to blame not even yourself.

  6. Crisel on October 9, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Maybe somehow i am beginning to learn and know God’s reason why it happened to me

  7. MJ on October 13, 2016 at 2:04 am

    Di pa ako nakakaranas ng “breakup” kasi hindi pa naman ako nageenter sa isang serious relationship. But the amazing thing is, while reading your blogs, Ate Lovely, ramdam na ramdam ko that God is a jealous God. Even sa mga “crush lang naman” moment. Feeling ko, OA si God sa pag-protect ng heart natin. Pero, yun yung sobrang nakakakilig. Di ko ma-explain. Basta. Yung feeling na nasa gilid lang Siya all the time. Na magse-selos Siya at malulungkot kapag di mo napansin. Ang cute. HAHAHA. Just wanna share this thought. 😀
    You are inspiring, Ate Lovely! God bless you! 🙂

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      Hahaha! Well maybe its more of, mahal na mahal talaga tayo ni Lord but for sure he also wants you to have crush. Haha! Thank you so mmuch!

  8. Trixie on October 13, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    I’ve been praying for a specific man until God made a way for us to be friends and almost lovers. We’re both christian but we failed to discern the real purpose of God why we are together. We decided to go separate ways even we see each other at work. It was hard. It was never easy to let go and to forget. My emotions always drives me to chase and make up to him. This blog enlightened me. I know God’s wisdom is very far more than mine that He can give me a someone who I never expected to have. He knows everything. He know’s what is best. Thank you. May God continue to bless your heart and hug you at all times. 🙂

    • lovelysantiago on November 19, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      Hi Trixie, praying for you. Hope all is well. Thank you!

  9. loulay on January 30, 2017 at 8:45 am

    Hi, i really enjoy reading your blog. Very inspiring! God bless you abundantly! Continue to inspire young people like meee ❤❤❤

    • lovelysantiago on February 1, 2017 at 4:19 am

      Thank you so much Lou! 🙂

  10. Jonas on March 15, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    ” Guys, please stop showing us the world when you only have a city. What do I mean? Avoid putting your best foot forward when you’re in the pursuing stage. Instead, have the faith and the guts to show yourself, to accomplish what you’ve started not just for the woman you’re pursuing, but also to God.”

    Thank you po for this 🙂

  11. Seth Monty on August 4, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    God’s plan never involves divorce!!!!! We live in a fallen world and sometimes relationships fail for any number of reasons. God in His grace forgives and is merciful to make something beautiful from our ashes. But to say it was part of God’s plan that you end up in a divorce…sorry, it’s not even biblical.

    • lovelysantiago on November 18, 2017 at 8:25 am

      Hi Seth, it’s not divorce. We’re not even married, its just a relationship. Sorry if you interpreted it as marriage. God bless you!

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